hmm…
does my heart is kinda a playground to you? you can easily play around enjoy the garden and suddenly can just leave, how easy to say.
what if you’ve never wanted me in the first place? is it just my naive ass who falls into your trap? isn’t it really confusing for a first-timer like me?
yeah right, we do responsible for our own feelings. I know you’re not gonna read this but never mind, I'm just confused and can even think what's good and what's right for myself.
it hurts. I completely realize no one wants me anymore. I think I'm dumped. my existent is no longer matters to anybody, including you, I thought I’m special at least for two people who understand me a lot, but no, no one hears me anymore. I lefted behind.
what if you’ve never wanted me in the first place? what if everything was a lie? what if I was manipulated since the beginning? was love could be this worst? Are there really pure-hearted people who would stay with me? accepted me even how bad I am? even how ugly I am, and how worst my personalities?
I really hate these feelings. I don’t want to be left alone. I’m tired. I don’t want to be alone and feel alone.
I have so many hopes before, but you just smashed it away with this kind of words: I can’t give you anything, like bull?
I’m actually don’t want to expose how broken I am, with or without someone. But, this even terrifying for sure. I think you’re gonna banned me from your life after reading this because why not? You don’t need me, and never I guess? I thought I’m the one who filled the emptiness in your soul but I guess I was wrong.
I know implicitly you wanna say: leave, find a life. Go chase your dream and etc. Like fucking leave me alone I don’t want you anymore? I can manage my business so you don’t have to be here waiting for me who never needed you ever since. I have everything I wanted and needed, go get your own life and don’t disturb me. I can find someone way much better than you: a cry little baby who can’t stand on his own feet.
this dilemma was already fulfilling my head since the day one you left. now she’s gone too. yeah, she is also mad at me, she thinks I used to put her as an option. It’s not, I just don't want to hurt her in this state. I really want to marry her someday and having a peaceful life together. But I realize I don’t deserve her at all. This poor and bad personality person who talking shit every time really doesn’t deserve a diamond.
I don’t know why my words seem difficult to understand. I always talk honestly, even if it hurts me and other people who talk to me. I never lie about every single thing I tell. I give my heart and love fully. But I don’t know, I doubt myself. I started to break my own self. Just imagine, don’t you ever feel lucky to have someone who loves you purely and still waiting for you even the storms hit so hard and the days are getting bad?
I’m sick. I’m sick of myself. I don’t want to be here anymore.
